Thursday, July 22, 2010

A House is not a Home

It's with a heavy heart that I say, we're moving . . . again. This makes 7 times in 12 years of marriage. I'm sure in time, we'll look back on this part of our lives and tell our great grandchildren how we lost our first home in the housing crash of the 2000's, and down the road, it will seem inconsequential, but today, to say that our first attempt at home ownership is a wash, is . . . well . . . incredibly crushing. It's not so much the house, the physical structure, but the hopes and dreams, the financial security, the feeling that "we've finally made it, the "American Dream" parts that are depressing. When we bought this house three years ago, I planned to raise my babies here. When we came out to look at model homes one day for fun, we left purchasing a home. Ben jokes that we bought a house like you buy a bag of m&m's at the checkout line at the grocery store. And even though we were somewhat impulsive, moving to MH has been the dream I thought it would be and an answer to prayers. You know the saying "If I'd known then what I know now . . .," well, I'm glad I didn't know back then. If I did, we wouldn't have moved to this community we love, or have had the amazing experiences and friendships that we enjoy. So when faced with decision to move out of town to avoid the embarrassment of loosing our home (it is a very small town!), we decided to stay, and to face the shame, because we love it here, and we have more to contribute. After all, we're not the only one's in this "housing boat!" Several years ago, I remember hearing about a friend who foreclosed on a home in another town and I thought to myself "how could someone do that?" Today, I'm embarrassed at my judgements. Never in a million years, did I think we'd be in this mess today, but I can honestly say, we've done the best we could do. In the Book of Mormon, there is a scripture that says "it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." That brings comfort. We've made mistakes along the way, of course, so, we'll chalk it all up to experience, and move on with hope. The kids (especially the girls) have been pretty sad about moving. They said they will miss all the scratches on the walls. I think that's their way of saying that they'll miss the memories we've made here. It's hard to explain to them that those experiences aren't contained in the walls of this house, but are imprinted on our hearts, and captured in pictures, because, after all, a house is not a home (and I'd bet the rent -pun intended- that our new house will have wall scratches in less than 10 minutes!).

My front porch. I keep reassuring the kids that it doesn't matter where we live, we'll always be together, forever and ever!

So the lighting is bad, and the trash can is not at all attractive, but this has been our home, and we've loved it. I meant to take pictures of the inside before we started packing, but the move came together quicker than I anticipated.

I've wanted to snap this pic for a long time. I don't know why, sort of silly, I guess.

When the house was being built, we would come out every weekend to see the progress. Don't the kids look tiny! Liam was only about a month old. We actually ended up closing on a different lot (on the court with a bigger yard!) but the excitement of watching our first house going up was thrilling! When we moved in I was so happy! I felt like I'd won the lottery! When I was a kid my mom dreamt of moving our family into a beautiful new home. When we bought this house I felt like I was giving my kids the house my mom wished she could have given me. Last week my mom drove the kids by the house I grew up in. Meilani commented to my mom that it was really small. My mom explained that, yes, we did live in a much smaller house. Meilani said "I guess we're used to living in a mansion." I'm glad she realizes the comfort of life she enjoys, and appreciates it.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow danelle this one made me cry.

John and Stef said...

And we're all so happy you're not moving away! We love your family and the Chester Ward wouldn't be the same with out you. When Beth and I drove up to Erin's for our meeting last night, we were sad to see that your sweet "Fobert Family" sign was taken down. I guess to us that made it seem official.
So glad your still here!!

Amanda said...

I'm sad that you are so sad. By the time I left mine it was good riddance! It is such a stress reliever to just say I'm done. I tried my hardest and it wasn't enough. Time to move on. It sounds like you've made peace with it. I too wanted the American Dream but now I see I have opportunties that I would not have had otherwise. I can get up and move whenever I want. I don't have property taxes. And when something breaks I don't have to pay for it or fix it myself!!! Gotta look on the bright side. I need to come see your new place!

Beck Family said...

So sad to leave behind a house you loved so much, but your right, anyplace where your family is all together is home. Thank goodness for pictures!!!

Sare said...

I'm sorry Danelle. That made me sad for you guys, and I know moving is really frustrating (and I haven't even moved as much as you), we've lived in 3 different places since we've been married, and we've only been married for 4 1/2 years. We're hoping that our next move will be our last. I hope your new place treat you better.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry you guys had to move...it's true that you're not alone in this since finances aren't really great for most people right now...I hope you guys find lots of peace in your new place and are able to enjoy life there just as much as your old place.

Corinne P. said...

So sorry you had to move! Such a beautiful home. I'm glad you guys were able to have it, even if it wasn't as long as you would have liked. It sounds like you get to stay nearby to all your friends? That is really cool. I love our neighborhood and I'm glad you don't have to leave yours!

Beth's Blue Blog said...

Hey, you guys are doing just fine! I'm so glad you didn't move away. You are great friends and all around awesome people. Plus, I really appreciate your community leadership!