So Saturday we went to see "Disney on Ice."
And herein lies the end of our fairytale.
Let me just begin by saying that I did not properly prepare myself or my children for this event. I take full responsibility. As the mommy, I should have known better. As soon as we walked into the arena the kids were requesting treats every five seconds. We took a not so quick bathroom break before we found our seats, during which time I had a standoff with Liam in the bathroom stall. He didn't want to "try" to pee, and I said we weren't leaving until he did (note to self, family outings are best accomplished after proper napage). My death glare to Ben upon exiting the bathroom explained, without words, what took so long. He didn't even have to ask. So, alas, we made the trek around the entire arena, passing every souvenir and treat stand along the way with a chorus of "I want" ringing in our ears. We found our seats and Ben went in search of a treat for each of the kids. Someone requested icees (I'm not sure who), and Ben set off on the quest. Just before Ben returned from "slaying" the treat dragon for us, I overheard a concession guy sell an icee to the kid in front of us for twelve bucks. Yep, I said twelve. My chin hit the floor too! Immediately I was praying that Ben would return with cotton candy to share, but being the king that he is, returned with four icees and a bucket of popcorn. Grand total: $72. I almost cried, but instead held icee cups and the popcorn bucket as if they were pure gold. We didn't want to spill even one kernel or ice chip at that price! So the show began. Although none of us saw much of the first half because we were all occupied with the dumb icees, dropping straws behind the seats in front of us, getting covered in ice chips, and helping the kids not to spill their treats. Finally the icees and popcorn were gone and we could enjoy the show in peace . . . WRONG! Everyone had to pee (and Liam now wanted cotton candy). I think Ben took Eli to the bathroom three times, and he legitimately peed during each visit . . . because you know what happens when you eat a giant sized icee in a short amount of time . . . it goes right through you! During intermission I took the girls and Liam for another bathroom run. At home, Liam likes to completely disrobe in order to urinate; however, this practice completely grosses me out in public bathrooms so I've been teaching him to just drop his drawers and stand . . . but sometimes he isn't quite tall enough to reach the toilet, as was the case in this instance, so I lifted him up to the toilet sort of propping his tush against my knee. First mistake. He relaxed, and the floodgates opened . . . but from both ends of the dam!!!! (Warning: you may want to stop reading here!) I had poop all down the leg of my jeans. I was angry, frustrated, and felt bad for Liam, who was visibly upset. He realized what was happening while "doing his business," but I couldn't put him down or turn him around to sit midstream, or the damage could have been much worse. So I cleaned up my leg, best as I could, and went to pull up his pants. I noticed he had a little smudge of poop on his undies, and was going to have him just go "commando style" but I then noticed that his pants had a much larger "smudge" (they were covered). At this point I'm screaming for the girls to go get Ben (I wasn't even sure they knew the way back to our seats) while I'm trying to undress Liam, which I should have done in the FIRST place!!! Oh and I forgot to mention that we happened to be in a bathroom stall that wouldn't lock, so this entire episode transpired as the stupid stall door kept swinging open, hitting us over and over again! ARGH! I just threw away Liam's socks and put on his now comparably clean underwear and headed out to wash up. Intermission was now over and we were alone in the bathroom. Ben came and I sent all the wet clothes with him while I cleaned us up. While we were washing, an arena employee said "Mam, do you have an extra set of pants for him?" In my wicked witch voice, daring her to go further, I said "No I don't." I really think she was going to tell me we had to leave if he didn't have pants on, but was too fearful to proceed. Good thing too! So finally we made it back to catch the last act of the show: Tinkerbell. Liam sat on my lap happy as a clam, not even caring that he was half naked in tennis shoes. The other kids watched rather mesmerized as well, now that they weren't distracted by the treats. It was over. I was on the verge of tears, Ben visibly holding back laughter, but we drove home. Happily. Ever. After. On the car ride home the kids were pretty pleased and excited about the experience. Apparently they didn't see the same show I did! I think the next time they get the jar filled, we'll go bowling for a few bucks, close to home, with a change of clothes for all.